One Man Army

Once upon a time....

There was a bright young aspiring girl, fresh 18 years old. She was only a couple of weeks away from graduating high school, doing her walk across the stage to get her diploma, the whole nine. It was good decisions that got her there in the first place. In that few weeks before her big day at her grad, the girl ended up having unprotected sex with one of her class mates. Low and behold, right before she graduates she finds out she is pregnant. Several months later, she finds out that she isn't just having a baby boy, its baby boy twins, identical. Fast forward the clock a few more months, two new baby boys are brought into the world. At this time the girl is now 19 years old, working as a waitress, and barely able to make ends meet for herself alone. As for the dad of the kids, nowhere to be found. She is high and dry, on her own. Even though it kills her, her only option is to put her two boys up for adoption.

Fast forward 35 years; (------>) The girl from high school isn't much of a girl anymore. She is now 54 years old, has landed herself a successful job, is renting a decently sized house and is in a steady relationship. However there isn't a day that goes by that she can't not think of her two sons, and how guilty she feels for leaving them for adoption instead of being able to take care of them herself. She decides to go out and find both of them, and make peace with them both.

After doing some research, and making a few phone calls, she is able to track down one who moved into a bigger city, and is working as one of the top heart surgeons in the country. She decides to pay him a visit, so she flys to his city and finds the hospital where he works. When she tracks him down, she explains the situation to him and says "I can't beleive how successful you have turned out! I am so proud of you!" and He responds to her by saying "Well, after what happened and all these years, where did you expect I would be?"  She asks him about her other son, and he tells her that he hasn't seen or spoken with him in near 15 years. She decides to embark out to find her other son, and make right by him as well.

On her walk back to her hotel room, the woman comes across a man sitting on a street corner begging for change. When she looks back into his sunken eyes and hollow cheeks, she recognizes his face from the hospital that she was just in, and immediately knows she has found her other son. She tells the man who she is, and how glad she is to have found him after so many years.  The man scoffs at the whole idea, and looks disgusted with his mother. She says to him "Please come with me, I will get you food, and a shower, you can come and stay with me you shouldn't be here like this," and her son looks and reply's "Well after what happened and all these years, where did you expect I would be?"

I have to re-write my Carpentry final practical in a couple of weeks, and while the point of this story is drive for me, let it be drive for everyone else. I once heard, good enough, isn't. I've been knocked down before, time to get the fuck up.

50 Gallon Drum (filler)

I started a blog post.. but I am not quite sure how to end it yet. I might end up scrapping the whole thing and re posting tomorrow so bare with me. In the meantime, many of you may have heard this song, but if you haven't you should listen to it, or at least read the lyrics. Quality.

My idea of heaven, I enjoy the fixing of a flat tire
I like art made of garbage, a little pain is good for you
I don't want everything to be made easy for me
Fast ain't always better than slow you know
A home run every time would start to get boring after a while
I hope I never forget how to bleed
Static fuzz, hiss, it's just the thing sometimes
50 gallon drum, that's what I'm talking about
Give me a hundred bucks to work on your bike
And maybe I'll cut your hair for you while I'm at it
I wanna work, I'm ready, I wanna take my baby dancing
Scary movies on Monday morning, chopping some wood, wind in my tires
Chocolate chip cookies, rain in the window, it's the underneath of Paris
It's New York from the back, Mount Uniacke in the fall
In a moment between heartbeats I'll set fire to the sky
Or cut the devil's throat
I'm three for four with a double and two stolen bases
Having my picture taken with the Amazing Creskin
It's a shiny day and the dogshit smells like strawberries
I found a shoebox filled with viewmaster reels
I don't have to cut my hair or do math ever again if I don't want to
Tell the bounty collectors to kiss my ass
I'm a hunter gatherer surveying the junk yards
Warrior monk with a month long bus pass
Odd job casanova, I write nothing down and keep my clothes in a guitar case
I run with bulls and swim with the pool sharks

Perfection is a place where there are two for one milkshakes on Tuesdays
It's where you can pay for a room with your good looks
The ball parks are always busy and the umpires always make the right call
Everyday is halloween and people use plastic Christmas trees
They fight with their fists and go to drive-in movies
There's no such thing as luck or the dentist and shoes don't hurt your feet
I keep a lighter and dog treats
In my pockets at all times because you never know
I've got a Saint Francis of Assisi keychain
And a wallet made of Corinthian leather
Sometimes I drive all night and listen to talk radio
Sometimes I practice scratching for hours on end
Usually I sit in my window and listen to my tapes, I've got all kinds of tapes
Hugs and kisses, and treats in a bag
In paradise a buck will buy you a comic book, a soda and a candy bar
You can always find a place to park or to hide
The DJs only play originals and the theatres still have silver screens
And Buster Keaton matinees
I'm an outlaw faith healer, with sock monkeys for the kids
I'm the ringmaster-king of the convenience store parking lot
My show is an every man for himself freak fest
Pack a lunch and ask for Johnny Rockwell
Here your favorite pen works forever but memory parallax
It's 70's doing 20's, 50's doing 2000
Everyone's got their own arrow and there ain't no short handled shovels
It's under my pillow, it's tomorrow and the next day

-Buck 65

Happy 2011

This is turning out to be more of a Monday session. I was watching baseball yesterday. So, Osama Bin Laden dead.. how bout that. Did anyone else happen to see the front page as well page one of the Calgary Sun this morning? It actually said "ROT IN HELL" front page news, and I quote from page one "THE BASTARD IS DEAD." Real appropriate. I think I could probably give a crayon to my seven year old niece and get her to write a more sophisticated headline, and she is just learning how to read and write. What a filthy joke, you should be incredibly ashamed of yourself The Calgary Sun at being such a fucking embarrassment in representing our populations general interest. All I can hope for now is that a horrifying war on Pakistan doesn't break out now, and that ignorant white North Americans don't lump them in with the fact that Bin Laden was housed in their country. But that's a story for another day.

Personal congratulations to Jack Layton and the NDP. I didn't vote, I cannot prove my address at the moment, and I probably would have if I had the means. Even though that the Conservatives won a majority, the NDP made history with their landslide of seats, and hopefully one day will win a minority over Stephen Harper and make him sweat. I was also very happy to see both the Liberals and Bloc parties absolutely decimated. If only riding's in Western Canada meant something to the election, rather than padding out the pockets of Conservative fat cats. Oh, and don't forget, for those of you whom voted DIRECTLY for Stephen Harper as he may have well been the leader for your riding depending on your geography, you not only voted in Conservative, but you also voted DIRECTLY for HIM, and HIS bullshit. But abortion sucks anyways right? Wooooo lower taxes!!!!! And more jobs!!!! Seeing is believing though. 

May 2nd though, second day in a row its been nice and sunny, quite a tolerable temperature. As far as I'm concerned, this is my new year. 2011 hasn't really come up Craig so far. In fact, its been an awful start to a year. The winter was cold and miserable, and long. I was diagnosed diabetic, I hated working at SAIT. Pure Math sucks, I wasted $1000 bucks on school I will never use, and my 4th year didn't turn out in my favor. Yep.. so far its sucked, but as a result I am considering it to only be a 7 month year for me. My 2011 started at the turn of the month, so lets make the rest of it a good one. I realize the blog may be spread a bit thin and be a bit weak this week, but I'm Craig Swanberg, more stories AND ANDY ROONEY next week on 60 minutes.. I mean.. Sunday Session. VOTE SATAN!

-CS
PS. Suck My Caucus Stephen Harper.

Victory!!!

Here is a few thoughts to start;

- I was too busy to post yesterday on account of Easter, my apologies. As of last week, screw you.

- I think I have trench foot

- Any of you single awesome women want to go see Sweeny Todd? I want to see it, but have no one to go with.

-The JDRF emailed me back, expressing that they had concern for my issue, I had a brief response back and they still haven't got back to me. Dicks.

-Does anyone remember having to colour maps or title pages as ACTUAL homework? And it would take forever? And the lines always were in opposing directions because it was IMPOSSIBLE to make it perfect without colouring in a different direction at least once. Awful.

I am reeeaallly tired man. I worked for the first time today in 2 months. As many of you know I just finished school, so thats why I was freeloading it for a bit, and work kicked my ASS today. As a result, this is gonna be short(ish I hope) and awesome. I haven't really accomplished alot in my life, when you really look at the grand scheme of things. I don't mean that necessarily in a bad way either because not many people have by the age of 23, and if you try to compare yourself to the people who have, you're setting yourself up for failure. Sorry. But I mean really, I have traveled a handful of times and thats about it. I don't have a house, a wife, a girlfriend, or a kid. I never did write a book, and I am still only a mediocre xbox player. I am not a professional athlete, and I don't own my own business, (again not saying that ANY of these things really constitute being an able, capable human being cuz life is what you make of it to make you happy anyways right?) But, I have accomplished something.

I am finished school, and after working out a few kinks, I am going to be a Journeyman Carpenter. Like, FUCKING OFFICIALLY, ON PAPER, I DID IT, and WHAT a great feeling. It is the only thing I have accomplished in my short time on this Earth, that has meaning. Like, I DID it. Nobody nominated me, nobody handed it to me, nobody appointed me, or any of the rest, I attained it. And what a great feeling it really is to possess a skill that many people either can't do, or have no desire to do, but that in many circumstances is an incredibly important attribute. I can built stuff, and fix stuff. Its literally what I do. People like us (well the good ones anyways) build quality homes, offices, decks, fences, sheds, spice racks, you name it. Not just Carpenters either, there is many skilled trades that make the places that you enjoy, enjoyable. Don't ever forget that the next time you see some dirty sore old man, or young man working for what might eventually benefit you one day, like the road you drive on or "right there in that building behind you" (hah movie quotes).

Nobody else has to tell me, and if you do then thanks but congratulations to me. People complain about how working in construction is like living in the 70's because its so dated how we get treated, how we work in the mud, in the rain, in the snow, in the cold. I know I complain sometimes, but what I got to say? The Marines ain't the only strong, proud and few in this world.

Now if you will excuse me, I am exhausted from work.

So I Said...

Here is a letter I wrote to the JDRF earlier this week, just thought I might share it with you all before Sunday comes up, as its directly related.

To whom it may concern,

My name is Craig Swanberg, and I am 23 years old. I was just recently diagnosed with type 1 diabetes as of January 26, 2011. Fortunately enough, I have been quite lucky with my situation so far, as my benefit coverage through work has paid for my Diabetes supplies thus far, however I have come across quite a rude awakening.

I made a routine trip to the pharmacy earlier today to pick up my much required supplies, and upon returning to pick them up I was told that my benefits through work were no longer active. The reason being is that I am currently training as an Apprentice Carpenter, and as such am required to take two months off of work to attend technical training in between an otherwise regular year of work. The company who manages our benefits informed me that I was short on my hour bank to receive coverage for the months of April and May, and possibly carrying into June, as I hadn't acquired a sufficient amount of documented hours to continue my benefits. As a result I was stuck with the bill of paying for my supplies out of pocket, due to the fact that I have no insurance to supplement my benefits, or otherwise, which, as you may know is quite a pricey amount of money for the supplies required for the disease.

It is my understanding that Alberta Health Care does not cover prescriptions for any medication, which I find as quite an inconvenience for someone whom may not have benefits through work, or insurance especially when it pertains to quite expensive required medical supplies. Lucky enough for me, I am able to afford to pay for my supplies for a few months until my benefits do become available to me, as I will be returning to work in a couple of weeks, and will hopefully be receiving benefits within a couple of months, if not sooner to cover my medical costs, but I can't help but wonder what happens to the people who don't have the luxuries that I have available to me in regards to paying for medical supplies.

The reason for my letter is I am curious to know if the JDRF, or any association affiliated with Diabetes research has anything in place to somehow supplement people who struggle to pay for their diabetic supplies, or those who are not covered by insurance. Is there any way that someone is able to sponsor a family who is unable to easily obtain the required medical supplies, or at least contribute to the cost of these supplies? We have a Canadian Food Bank that is able to take donations of food and money to supply hungry families with at least some food, and also organizations that allow people to sponsor children all over the world, to give them at least some hope of eating and possibly getting an education. If there is no funding for the Diabetic community, is it possible that there could be? While research for a cure is an important issue, the idea of having people struggling to have to obtain medical supplies is also quite a serious, pressing issue that I can't help but think effects many people across the Diabetic community.

Please don't take this letter as an attempt to slander the efforts of the JDRF or the Canadian Diabetes Association, as that is not my motive. I am just curious to know if such types of funding are available, and if not are they plausible? Is there a way to introduce a program to make an already difficult condition easier for some people? If you could please return an email addressing my concerns as a member of the Diabetic community at your convince, it would be much appreciated.

Sincerely,
Craig Swanberg

I would just like to point out that the JDRF did not return my email as of yet. It was sent on Wednesday of this week, and no reply has been issued.


Little do they know as well, I am now making the issue public, well as public as possible for now.

Hockey Talk (the TUESDAY session)

I received several angry comments about not posting on Sunday, so my apologies but what PASSION! I am glad that people are enjoying reading this so far. I was busy watching baseball and cricket, as well didn't have much to write about, so I slacked off. This post will be the make up for Sunday, as well there will be another new Sunday Session this weekend. Promise.

This was a topic that was texted to me by someone whom will remain anonymous. I know who it was, but I don't think that names of suggestions are appropriate, however, I also don't want to claim credibility.

People who know me should know that I don't particularly enjoy, or care about hockey. I never played when I was a kid, I don't have a team, I don't know anything about the sport at all really. I don't see the attraction to it, its just not for me. Along with that, I don't like small talk. "Did it stop raining outside? Maybe it will FINALLY get sunny out." Shut up, seriously you can CLEARLY see outside to see if its raining or not, you know better, don't ask me just because we happen to be waiting in the same line to buy groceries or whatever situation you might find yourself in. This post is about one of the worst, horribly misused bit of small talk to exist. Hockey talk.

Now, I am not slandering the sport of hockey. I don't care about whether or not its a good sport, or who likes or doesn't like it. I am not arguing for it, nor against it as a sport. I also don't care if its "Canada's" game or a part of our heritage or not. I don't care for it, and I am not going to let my personal feelings get in the way of what this post is actually about. When I go to a hockey game, I don't really do it for my enjoyment. Yeah sure, I like to drink beer and sit around and shoot the shit as much as the next guy, but if I am going to a game it is usually with my Dad and Brother or a few of my friends and I am going for THEIR benefit. I want to spend time with the people I go to games with, thats why I go, not because I care about who's playing. Its a trade off, if you want to spend time with people (like me my dad and brother) then sometimes you have to do something that you wouldn't necessarily do yourself. Not to say its a chore for me to go to the hockey game, or that I resent having to go. Its just something I don't invest any time in unless I have to.

So point made, I don't like hockey. But it Canada, why is it that there is this expectation to just small talk, or "hockey talk" with strangers, or at work or wherever. Like for me that asshole at work who comes in, and hes a Vancouver fan (woooo...) and he says to ME "Oh yeah so Calgary had their hands full last night hey?" And I just want to say "Hands full? What was there a fire or something? Did the police have a big drug bust? I don't understand what you're talking about." They would of course come back with something like "Oh no I mean the game! THE GAAAMMEE!!! You know? We beat Calgary's ASS! Vancouver woo goo!! Yeah.. blah blah blah". This is where I start ignoring him because I don't fucking WATCH hockey and I don't CARE about hockey. Here is why it drives me nuts.

1. Believe it or not, NOT EVERYONE WATCHES HOCKEY!! Yeah I get it, its a big deal in Canada, people love their hockey, but why am I expected to know about it? The asshole you chit chat with at the bar, always brings up hockey, pulls out hockey stats, names, players, coaches whatever. Who cares? The worst part about it is if you say "Oh I don't watch hockey." You're SHUNNED! Its like you just told the person you committed murder. I hate having to pretend to strangers that I actually give a shit about how the Flames are doing. I don't even ever know what place they are in!! The expectation that everybody watches hockey is a stupid stereotype of the Canadian population. Even if the majority watches hockey, not everyone does, and the expectation that everyone upholds that you do is a fucking joke.

2. I hate it when people refer to their team as "we" or "us". Oh really you played for the New York Rangers this last season? Were you a RIGHT WING FOR THE CALGARY FLAMES! NO WAY I MUST HAVE MISSED YOU!! Actually, the TEAM won last night. The TEAM of professional players went on the ice and played hockey, and would have if you watched the game, supported them or otherwise. There is no WE making it to the playoffs. The CANADIANS made it to the playoffs, YOU had nothing to do with it, so shut the FUCK up.

Now don't take this the wrong way. If someone says "hey wanna come over for the hockey game?" and I say "Yes" and I get there and people are talking about hockey, that is fair game. I have several friends whom are brothers (lol guess whooo!!!) and they really enjoy their hockey, and they know their hockey. One of the things they like to do MOST is watch hockey and talk about hockey, and that's fine. If I am around them I know they are gonna most likely be talking hockey because thats what they like, and thats what they do. I don't care if people talk about hockey, I do care about how it has become a standard ice breaker for a Canadian conversation piece. If you wanna sit around and talk hockey while watching the game, and I am there to hear it, I knew damn well what I was getting myself into before I showed up at the door, so tough luck for me. Its all the extra random bullshit and nonsense that comes along with the sport and living in this country that quite frankly I have had enough of. The unfortunate thing is there is no escape.

So the next time you try to talk hockey with someone and they say "I don't watch that sport" don't say something stupid like "Are you even FROM Canada?" or look at them like they have three heads. Maybe try a different conversation piece, cuz there is plenty of people out there who would like to talk about something other than the fucking post season.

Swanny

That Ol Euphoric Feeling

I would just like to say I am highly upset that the Chicago Cubs fans have been ranked number 1 as most annoying fans on www.spike.com. Even though who really gives a SHIT what Spike TV has to say about ANYTHING as they are morons, there is way worse sports clubs out there with worse/more annoying fans (I FEEL) than the Chicago Cubs, for example, Calgary Flames bandwagon jumping Mikka Kipursoff (sp?) fans. Fuck. Right. Off.

Anyways to buisness. I was just at Sobeys about half an hour ago and I couldn't wait to get inside and talk to my friend Kurstyn about Slayer coming to Calgary. When I did run into him in the meat department I was so stoked to share my excitement about the fact that I was going, and we started to discuss what we thought they would play, what we wanted them to etc. On my way home I started to think how unbelievable it really is to be able to make music that people are more than willing to be physically involved in. I mean, what actually physically compels someone to run full on into a circle pit and run around as fast as you possibly can throwing your fists forward? Why is it at hardcore shows people cram into tiny pits and quite literally spin and kick, punch and full on haymaker crowd kill people knowing that just inches away someone else is doing the same thing, or that someone at any minute could kick them in the side or back as hard as they can to get them out of the way so they can have their chance in the pit? How is it that musicians have the ability to make music so powerful that people want to jump onto each other and try and grab the microphone from the singer, or try and run across peoples heads?

I was thinking about all this, and it amazes me that music has such an ability to move people very literally into extremely dangerous situations. I am sure I am not the only one who gets this either, that feeling right in your gut just before you start to throw a windmill and barrel across a pit into a pile of innocent bystanders. Or when you're the guy holding onto a piece of the roof beam or rafters, or light support on top of a pile of bodies screaming lyrics at the top of your lungs at the band on stage. Or when you get on a stage that is elevated just above head height and you stage dive head first back into the crowd. When I saw Every Time I Die in Perth Australia, on my second or third time stage diving, there was a split in the crowd and I fell straight on my right shoulder and hit my head on the ground because I jumped clean over the people standing in the front row. When I saw Madball at Republik last summer I saw a guy run from one side of the stage to the other and jump about 8 feet horizontal and land flat face first on the ground behind a crowd of people. I just don't understand what compels us to participate in these dangerous ass activities, and its a question that will never have an answer. However, for a musician, what a feeling it must be to be able to make people build up enough emotion, enough passion, or enough faith in your music to put themselves on the firing line like that for you. I just give many thanks to all the artists I have listened to in the years for everything you have given me, even though you don't realize it. You are always there to remind me of some of the best days of my life. Music is the air I breathe.

-Swanny